House Buying 101

I just recently got married to my girlfriend of 7 years and now we're going to start shopping for a house. Neither of us have ever gone house shopping before, any advice on what we should do?

Congratulations on getting married! Rocky and Adrian didn't even date a full year and their marriage lasted 26 years before she passed tragically due to "woman cancer." I wish you many years of happiness with your new bride.

If you remember in Rocky II, Rocky and Adrian went house shopping after getting married. Now, many people will tell you to make sure to get house surveys and termite inspections. Phooey! Don't listen to them. 

Here's what you need to do:

• Walk through the first floor living room.
• Walk through the kitchen.
• If the first floor is nice, you can assume it's nice upstairs too. No need to go up there.
• Ask how much the taxes are.
• Ignore how outrageously high the taxes are for a Philadelphia row house in 1976.
• Say, "We'll take it!"
• Smash your Trans Am into the garbage cans every time you park in front of your house.

That's it! House Buying 101. Good luck!